Today has been one of the coolest days in recent memory. So many random happenings that partially depend on coincidental timing. It’s like an Altman film that gets to the point inside of 30 minutes.
If you haven’t been reading my ramblings over the last few months on my Faceyspace or the Twitters, you should know that I’ve come to love one of Portland’s new food carts, Big-Ass Sandwiches. The weird thing is that the connection between me and its owners goes beyond supply and demand.
BAS is owned by Brian and Lisa Wood. Brian is a chef by trade, and Lisa is an ex-radio jock (like me). Turns out that Tracy’s cousin Aimee is good pals with these two, and we’ve heard of them being mentioned in numerous past conversations before event meeting them. After one-too-many negative radio experiences (and honestly, more than one is too many), Lisa and Brian “went for it” and opened their own food cart on SW 3rd and Ash street in downtown Portland (about three blocks from my office). They opened in December of 2009 and utilized social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc.) to hype it up, and they executed if greatly. Portland is a town full of “creative class-types” who are always resting a bit too comfortably on the cutting-edge of technology. It didn’t take long for BAS to get the word out before they even opened. Before long, they were the talk of food cart land.
My first BAS experience was in January. I normally like to go to lunch with co-workers whenever possible, but I thought it might be best to scope this place out before unleashing its fury onto the people I work with. I had to make sure that A) it was good, and B) wasn’t just for super-large meatatarians such as myself. Naturally, the place blew me away and I came back to the office with menus to place throughout the office. Since then, I go to BAS about once every 1-to-2 weeks (even I have to pace myself with this type of food, and thankfully the Woods would likely agree).
BAS also has an edge with its location: near a few great/infamous bars and Voodoo Doughnuts. This is a late-night arena of gluttony, greed and a few other sins…perfect for the late-night scenesters who need to sober up for the journey home. As you can imagine, BAS fits this bill to a T. Even a drunk vegetarian wouldn’t be 100% upset as they drunkenly slipped up and downed a BAS in their inebriated state. (“Yeah, I messed up, but at least I messed up GOOD!”)
Another thing I love about BAS is their system of weekly specials. These come into existence through a few methods. One was named after Mayor Sam Adams who replied on Twitter what his favorite sandwich ingredients are. Others were submitted by friends and fans who simply thought it’d be cool to see a sandwich of their own on the special board for a week. After eating one of their specials containing baked macaroni & cheese (*drool*) I realized “hey, I can submit a special too!”
Now I just have to create one.
This is where the process gets tricky. To start, all I could think of was that it MUST have bacon. Rule #1 was an easy given. But bacon alone does not a BAS make. I had to really think long and hard about this. I don’t want my special BAS to suck. That could be my name and face on the special board for a whole week. Last thing I need is a crew of drunkards cursing my name. (OK, that might be kinda funny, but still…I’d prefer glory over failure.)
I kept rolling through foods that would not only make a great sandwich, but would also be technically and financially feasible for the Woods to work with. (Sorry Perigord Truffles…better luck next time!) Veggies have been done before, and those tend to get soggy after sitting on a hot sandwich after too long. Besides, veggies are for “housewives and little girls.” (Funny, though, since I did end up with one.)
It took me about a week to come up with something, and the final product came to me on one of the very few nights I found myself downtown after 6:00 PM (attending one of those filthy punk rock shows at Dante’s). After a few beers and loud noise I strolled by BAS to visit with Brian and Lisa and grab a sandwich before heading home. (You can’t eat this while driving.) While gabbing and eating for about 20 minutes (and watching way drunker people attempting the same), somebody asked me about the Run-DMC shirt I was wearing. It’s not often you see a tall white guy coming out of a punk show wearing one, so yeah, I guess I invited such questions. I don’t remember the conversation verbatim, but part of my reply involved my inability to “pop n’ lock” (that’s breakdancing for you older types reading this). It was then when a light bulb went on over my head.
Poppers! Jalapeno poppers! I love those things!
This was the ingredient I’d been looking for. Something tasty. Something with built-in cheese. Something not labeled as health food, but won’t totally kill you either. It’s got spice, which foodies love. Yes, this was it! I got on my iPhone and sent the Facebook message to Lisa as she stood three feet in front of me. (Again, we love technology here.)
After some quick thought, I named it the “Pop ‘N Lock Con Puerco.” This was inspired by two things:
- The conversation I just had that inspired the jalapeno poppers, and,
- One of my favorite punch lines from Late Night with Conan O’Brien where “Bill Clinton” says to Conan “con queso, man!” I realize this doesn’t make sense out of context, but trust me when I say I laughed for about a half-hour straight (no, I wasn’t high), and the phrase “con <anything> man!” can be universally applied to just about any situation. Hence, con puerco man!
My original idea was to have the following:
- Bread
- Fries (standard on all BAS’s)
- Choice of meat (roast beef, turkey, ham or vegetarian field roast)
- Bacon
- Jalapeno poppers stuffed with cream cheese (I specifically requested cream cheese over cheddar since BAS already has a béchamel cheese sauce)
I told Lisa I would leave the actual construction of the sandwich to them since they’re clearly more knowledgeable in that dept. After a few weeks on simmer, Lisa messaged me back and asked if I was OK with the fries being on the bottom as opposed to the top like they normally are. I replied “yeah, that’s definitely not a problem with me,” and history was born!
There were three other modifications that BAS did that I clearly took no issue with. The first was to wrap the bacon around the jalapeno poppers. My reaction: bacon is awesome, but it’s even better when wrapped around something. The second was to bread the now-bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers with corn flakes. My reaction: you can do that? The third was giving customers a choice on how to prepare the now-breaded-and-bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers: deep friend or grilled. Deep frying them leaves the bacon to be a bit softer, whereas as grilling gets the bacon crispy. My reaction: you guys clearly know what you’re doing!
As part of promoting the special, the creator must supply a photo for the special board. With my new BAS shirt ready, Tracy and I conducted a hasty photo shoot in our living room. The more interesting photos involved our dog Danzig. And just to be weird, we threw in Tracy’s creepy childhood clown bank. The winning photo:
became the special flyer for the week:
So after much fanfare and hype via the Twitters and Faceyspace, today was the debut of my invention. I strolled down from my office around Noon and found BAS with a few people hanging out in front (as always). Upon arrival I was greeted with a smile and hello, and promptly introduced to the other people hanging out near the cart. Turns out one of them was a Dave Gerald, local writer the blogger behind Breakfast in Bridgetown. (More technology…blogs about food!) Dave was at BAS as part of his research for a book he’s currently writing about Portland’s food cart scene. Accompanied by photographer Drew Burdick and pal Mindie, Dave asked questions of both Lisa and I about how the special came to be. Afterward, as Brian finished making the sandwich, Drew asked for a few shots of the sandwich before Lisa wrapped it and handed it over to me. There may be a shot or two of both Lisa and I holding the sandwich with my trademark cheesy-grin, double-chin thumbs-up pose. Not sure what, if anything, will end up in the book, but you never know!
Once the book crew left, the sandwich was handed over free of charge (perks for an inventor, so I just put the cash into their tip jar, a.k.a. their dog Annabelle’s college fund). After a brief exchange about my days at Kung Fu Records, I hustled back to my desk to enjoy the fruits of our collective labor. Once back at my desk, I grabbed the largest cup I could find in the kitchen and filled it with ice cold company water.
First bite came with everything except a piece of jalapeno (so many layers to plow through). Second bite was quickly rewarded with a piece of every ingredient. Simply magical. The bacon was soft enough to bite through yet not get left behind and become stringy after biting. The cream cheese self-distributed throughout the immediate vicinity once bitten through, and complimented the other elements. The jalapenos were the real treat. You could tell these were fresh, high-quality peppers. I’m used to the frozen, processed version that is used for poppers in the frozen food section at the grocery store. These were the opposite. I immediately learned that fresh also likely means spicier. I normally keep my spice levels at a minimum, so these peppers were pushing me to my limit (full disclosure: I’m Irish, so spice and heat are not my forte). Thankfully, the other ingredients doused the flame back to a point that was acceptable for me.
I’m happy to say that when I meet my maker and I’m challenged to prove my worth for entry beyond the golden gates, I’ll be able to list the Pop N’ Lock con Puerco as one of my better contributions to the world. Mega thanks go to Brian and Lisa Wood for not only keeping Portland cool, but for making it cooler by taking a chance on innovation in our precious food cart scene.
Finally, thanks to the readers. You just read a three-page blog about a sandwich!
