I’m in Omaha, NE for a business trip. I arrived today, and this trip has been less than awesome so far. I present the “but’s.”
1. I flew Southwest Airlines to get here because I was one flight away from a free trip, which I plan to use for an upcoming personal trip, BUT
I had to fly here with a layover in Chicago. Look at a map. Portland to Chicago to Omaha. Not fun. Believe it or not, it was the quickest route here in terms of total flight duration.
2. The Hertz rental car booth was only 10 steps away from my baggage claim track, BUT
I had to wait 30 minutes for a vehicle.
3. I had to wait for a vehicle with GPS, which I didn’t even order, BUT
it’s a good thing I did because even with GPS I still managed to get lost twice going to the hotel.
4. I got a FREE upgrade to an SUV, BUT
it’s a 2010 Ford Explorer, which isn’t nearly as drivable as anything pre-2009.
5. When I finally got to the hotel they gave me a free cookie upon checking in, BUT
it’s had chocolate chips and CRANBERRIES. Yuck!
6. My hotel room is nice…two rooms (living room and bedroom, kitchenette with full-size fridge), BUT
half the light switches don’t do anything and the fridge is from the 70’s with old-school frosted over icebox-style freezer, and the lights in the bathroom don’t give any light to the shower stall.
7. Based on my pal Malfatti’s recommendation I drove out to Brewburgers for dinner (as featured on Triple-D), BUT
they were out of their specialty, Canadian-exported beef brisket. Apparently recent enacted laws are preventing them from receiving this imported product for a few weeks.
8. I tried one of the local microbrews called Lucky Bucket. It was an amber-style brew, BUT
it didn’t even hold a candle to anything made by Oregon microbreweries (proof that I am a S.N.O.B.).
I can’t imagine the next few days being this bad (and let’s be honest…today wasn’t THAT bad). Hopefully nothing blogworthy…or perhaps? I guess the ultimate redemption would be to run into the 311 guys and perform a hastily-thrown-together street production of Election in the hotel lobby. We’ll see.
Just got home from the 1st (likely annual) Portland Baconfest. Overall, I found it to be an inspired event, one that combines the best meat ever created with the city’s love of irony. There was a definite DIY feel throughout the event, which surely added to its charm. However, as a guy who’s planned many events throughout my amateur and professional lives, I found a few flaws that need to be addressed should there be a second annual event in 2010.
If the organizers of Baconfest happen to be reading this, please consider this to be a list of constructive criticisms, and not a finger pointing at you. (Hey, if the people at Three Sheets could find my blog entry about their show, there’s no reason the Baconfest folks can’t. A little help from Google Alerts makes anything possible.)
So here’s my list of seven issues / tips for Baconfest. Keep in mind I was at the event from 3:30 PM to 6:30 PM.
1. Alcohol distribution. As we know, Portland LOVES alcohol, both in beer and hard-A form. But the state of Oregon happens to have some very tough laws that they randomly like to enforce. As an OLCC permit holder, I think I personally witnessed about eight rules being violated during the three hours I was there, with the Bakon Vodka booth accounting for half of them alone. You can’t store the bottle of booze on the table you’re serving from. You definitely can’t let buyers hold that bottle in their hands. You can’t leave your booth unattended with that alcohol sitting out in the open. As for the beer vendors, I noticed that Laurelwood Brewery tapped their keg of Bacon Beer rather quickly. But that’s easy to do when you’re serving in 16-ounce red cups at $3 a pop. Meanwhile, Rogue Brewery was serving their non-bacon-themed beer in 12-ounce white cups for $4 a pop. Now granted, Rogue has quality beers, and it’s likely the Bacon Beer was merely an experiment at best, but there needs to be some kind of pricing regulation to help ensure that nobody is over-buying (nor over-pouring). Suggestion: consult with OLCC and make sure your alcohol vendors are in compliance. Check for server permits.
2. Point of entry. Please have more than one person running the “door” (in this case, the door was a folding table surrounded by caution tape). And if you can only get one person to run the door, don’t have them checking ID’s (which, they weren’t…another OLCC no-no) AND selling raffle tickets in addition to handling cover charges. Too many tasks for one person to manage, resulting in a line of six people taking almost three minutes to move from start to finish. Good thing I didn’t arrive at peak time. Suggestion: have at least two people at the door. One checking ID’s (also an OLCC-permitted position), and one taking money. Sell raffle tickets inside the event.
3. Security. The event took place on SE 18th Ave between Burnside and Ankeny (one block of asphalt) with entry into The East Burn (the hosting bar) on one side of the street, and the other side “blocked off” (again…caution tape) for non-attendee pedestrians. Unless there were plain-clothes officers roaming about, I didn’t see any type of security and/or alcohol monitors in, or outside of, the event. Considering the amount of alcohol being somewhat-carelessly bandied about, this is a liability nightmare that I hope was not taken advantage of. Suggestion: hire a licensed security firm to manage security and monitor alcohol. Have them check ID’s at the door as well. Hire a vendor to provide steel gates (a.k.a. bike racks) to surround the perimeter, as caution tape loses out to drunk people every time.
4. Cursing on stage. The MC’s who would make announcements, introduce bands, or provide commentary on the bacon-related contests, were not afraid to sprinkle F-bombs throughout their time on the microphone. Now I am certainly no prude (plenty of R-rated movies in my collection, and even one or two NC-17’s), and I can certainly curse with the best of them, but unless you’re hosting a 21+ event that’s 100% indoors, you may want to think about holding back on the blue material. I saw plenty of kids at this event, meaning that even Portland hipsters have nothing against procreating and bringing their offspring to revel in irony. But I can assure you that even hipster parents have a few Disney DVD’s in their home for their kids to enjoy, and they want to at least try to provide a somewhat wholesome environment for their kids to enjoy. So a decision needs to be made:outdoor and family-safe, or inside and adults only. Suggestion: keep it clean, adhere to community broadcast standards. You also have more space outside, which means more $$$.
5. Background music. I love my rock and/or roll…a LOT! But as a music nerd, ex-DJ and ex-record-label employee, I also understand how to please an audience. While I do feel that bands like Disturbed have their place in the world, I don’t think this event is it. In fact, I think there might even be laws in the city of Portland against the public playing of music by bands like Disturbed, Insane Clown Posse, Korn, et. al. But there are also rules to prevent the pendulum from swinging too far the other way, disallowing music from successful Portland “indie rock” bands (Modest Mouse, Dandy Warhols, Decemberists, et. al.) from being played as well. The level of irony at this event would have allowed bands like Lynard Skynard or The Allman Brothers Band to be heard without anybody batting an eye. Suggestion: stick to the tried and true music that everyone can enjoy. 60’s/70’s classic rock (The Who, The Eagles, Rush) and/or 80’s New Wave (Flock of Seagulls, Go-Go’s, Thompson Twins). It’s a win-win-win…we ALL win.
6. Power. I overheard some conversation at the Parkers Waffles booth that their waffle irons were either getting their own electricity source cut off, or they were cutting out other people’s electric needs. And as I waited 25 minutes (!!!) for my waffle (not entirely Baconfest’s fault…read the next blog), I peaked around the back of the waffle both and found mostly extension cords coming from an unknown starting point. I looked around for some kind of large generator to power this whole event, but could not find anything. But I’m left to believe that if a booth of a few waffle irons and a propane camping stove is either suffering or causing problems, then there’s definitely a power issue, especially when you have a stage for bands to perform on. Suggestion: shell out the cash and rent a power generator from a professional. You’ll keep your sponsors and vendors happy, ensuring they come back next year.
7. Weather. If this date is any indication, it appears that the first weekend of October will be circled every year for Baconfest. Hey, that’s great! I certainly had nothing else going on today. But that also means you’re playing with fire (or in this case, water). October is one of nine months in Oregon’s rainy season. While I don’t expect a series of huge tents like at the Oregon Brewers Festival, there should be some kind of reminder to your vendors (especially those with power needs) that they shouldn’t have to be scrambling for cover when the rain comes in, as it did off-and-on today. Suggestion: require vendors to use at least a 10′x10′ pop-up tent for their booth. If they don’t have one, offer to rent them one via your own event supplier (which you should have next year since you’re hiring out for power generators, security, perimeter gates and other items, right?).
I hope this doesn’t come across as scathing to the Baconfest organizers. I want to see the event become an annual thing, and I’d hate to see it go away due to some liability issue that could have easily been avoided with preventive measures. To make up for it, here are a few things I really liked about Baconfest.
A. Admission charge. $5 and two cans of food for the Oregon Food Bank. Letting people in for free (a la Oregon Brewers Festival) means ANYONE can come in. Charging a small fee at the door goes a long way in keeping out the riff-raff (drunks, people looking to cause trouble, etc). And the two cans of food gives your event a charitable feel, which goes a long way in the PR efforts. (Plus, it’s always nice to help less-fortunate people out, especially these days).
B. Raffle ticket prices. $1 per ticket, or $10 for the length of tickets around the buyer’s belly. Had I taken advantage of this pricing structure, it woulda been tore up from the floor up.
C. Local vendors. Not a large corporate presence at this event, and I hope organizers can find a way to maintain that. Nothing would bum people out more than to hear about the “2nd Annual Nike Baconfest” a year from now.
D. Event marketing. I heard this event being plugged a lot in the past week, and even on the news this morning, so the public awareness team did their job very well.
Overall, on a scale of one-to-10, I give this event an eight. A very good initial effort, with some room for improvement, but not too far to go to achieve greatness. I definitely hope to see it again next year, as well as claim to my friends that I was at the very first one (as is commonly heard around these hipster parts).
Tracy and I just returned from the Portland Stop on this year’s Warped Tour. It’s painfully clear that we are no longer in the target demographic of this tour, which I have a personal bond with. After attending every year since 1997, I graduated college in 2001, attended that year’s show in Las Vegas and made a vow that one year (as part of my then-dream to work in the music industry) that one day I would be a part of the Warped Tour. A few weeks later, through a series of VERY fortunate events, I got a job selling merch for my future employer Kung Fu Records and The Vandals. I had just received my Bachelors Degree and suddenly my first job (a temporary one, at that) was selling t-shirts and CD’s on a summer punk rock festival tour. With no tattoos, fair skin and an armful of resumes (likely the only one on the tour with any of those), I turned a scary touring proposition into an office job in Los Angeles working for my favorite punk band of all time.
I toured the 2001 edition for six weeks, winding along from Bozeman, MT to Detroit, MI. I did the tour once more in 2003 for almost three weeks, from Ft. Lauderdale, FL to Asbury Park, NJ. Each time I made new friends (some of which I still speak with regularly) and gained plenty of stories that impress almost anyone who cares to listen. However, the one major drawback from going to the tour for 12 straight years (much less being on two of them) is that you see the tour literally warp (get it?) into something unfamiliar and foreign.
I’m going to easily chock this one to simple aging. As I get older and have less room in my CD collection for new entrants, I find myself having a very difficult time appreciating the music that today’s misunderstood youth is identifying with. I like to think that I wasn’t nearly this much of an outcast at that age. But I can’t help but think that today’s kids are taking their teenage angst so far that it creates an unneccesary hyper-reality, one where even true artistic types cannot possibly be taken seriously due to the outrageous level of absurdity surrounding them. It’s the equivalent of handing a bully an engraved invitation for a beating by the flag pole after school.
And that’s where I come in.
I was not a bully in high school, nor was I bullied. (I had a fortunate height of over 6′ 4″ my freshman year, along with a thankfully-unnoticed weight of under 150.) But what I did (and still) have was a wicked sense of humor, one that ranges from casual to absurd to wildly inappropriate. And to this day, the thought of making fun of people from a distance always thrills me. So for today’s victims, we’re going to take a brief look at fans and bands of the Warped Tour.
NOTE: all photos stolen from the Internets.
Goth kids. Still misguided and missing a few hugs. Haven’t discovered a summer-appropriate outfit yet. And now they have a new breed of Twilight fans to compete with. Poor things. I would feel more sorry for them if they did anything else besides hang out at Denny’s or Shari’s and mooch all-you-can-drink coffee for 99 cents at 3:00 AM.
Unemployable rocker guy. Not somebody I’d want selling copy machines around town. Not somebody I’d even want busing my table after I’ve left. At least he’s not ashamed of correcting his vision. Now if could just find a mirror.
Suburban youth. Summer jobs are optional. Borrowing Mom’s Explorer to haul the gang to the show in one car, blasting My Chemical Romance and/or Fall Out Boy along the way, and not refilling the tank before they get home. Will eventually go to college and start listening to lame indie rock and Dave Matthews Band, disowning the bands that influenced the current slate of boring sludge on college radio.
This band is called “The Devil Wears Prada.” Apparently they are a Christian Metalcore band from Dayton, OH. I stick to the belief and Jesus and Metal should have as much to do with each other as pizza and gasoline. Both are critical to the survival of humankind, but they have absolutely no place being near one another for any logical purpose whatsoever. Plus, any message coming from Jesus should be pleasant, positive, and peaceful, and not filled with annoying screamo vocals and a subtle undertone of commercialism. I can get that on Trinity Broadcast Network anytime.
And now the coup de grace of the 2009 Warped Tour: Brokencyde. Get this! They’re a “crunkcore / screamo / electronica” group from Albuquerque, NM. Basically, white rappers with no live instruments (not even a real DJ – just a laptop) jumping around like a bunch of retards. (Sorry…calling Brokencyde “retards” is a diss on retards.) I think they should quit making what they call “music,” come to my house and line up so I can punch each one of them in the face. I would record that, post it on YouTube as ”Brokencyde Gets Punched In The Face,” become a week-long Internet sensation, and then return to my normal life. Can anyone help make this happen?
OK, so I should probably get to the top and bottom five lists I promised one headline ago. So here they are.
Top 5 Things About the Warped Tour in Portland This Year:
5. Taking the MAX train to the venue. (No car necessary…so Oregon!)
4. NOT driving 45 minutes through St. Helens, OR.
3. Bad Religion. 4/5 of them are still older than me.
2. Seeing Kurt, Kent, Jon Cheese and Soup.
1. NOFX. Still offensively funny as ever.
Bottom 5 Things About the Warped Tour in Portland This Year:
5. Not seeing Jay Walker, Lisa or Shellylynn.
4. The dust bowl in front of the main stage.
3. Wanting to only see 2/73′rds (literally) of the bands at the show.
2. The sea of kids who needed a bath more than anything else.
1. Brokencyde. Seriously…they were awful.
