andrewandtracy.com

Another reason to love Portland:

I was busy being lazy and watching stupid movies while this took place over the weekend, but maybe we can take part next year.

I wish I could come up with a more clever headline, especially with The Dark Knight currently in theaters. But seriously, what could be more impactful than stating I just killed a bat when I really did just kill a bat?!

Here we are on a sprinkly Friday morningin August, both of us working at home before we leave for a weekend of camping, when I spot a weird-looking thing just above the rear sliding door.

After speculating with Tracy on what the hell it might be (suggestions ranged from “bug” to “turtle”), I rattle the back door as Tracy watches. She sees it move slightly and tells me it’s a bat.

Great.

I’m hardly dressed. I have no cool armor for protection, and my only weapon is a broom. Still, as the man of the home, the responsibility falls squarely on my shoulders.

After one quick sweep, the little bat falls to the deck. All while Tracy is screaming, safe inside the house taking these photos.

After seeing it drop and not soon fly away, I set the broom on top of it to keep it from going anywhere. After setting the broom on it, I heard some minor squealing, which meant I had to go in for the kill. My only available weapon: my flip-flop-wearin’ size 16 right foot.

WARNING: my feet are gross, and this is the only time you’ll see them in a photo.

After a quick squish, I had to confirm the kill.

Finally, the cleanup.

I am man…hear me roar!

Some random thoughts and plugs before we head to the urban stronghold known as Vernonia for the weekend.

1. Tragedy: An All Metal Tribute to the Bee-Gees

It’s exactly what it you would think it sounds like, and it’s every bit as awesome you want it to be. Combine all the best parts of AC/DC, Dio and Black Sabbath, throw in some gold chains and jumpsuits, and there you go! I’ve been listening to them for a few weeks now and I can’t stop. Get their music on iTunes.

2. Portland to bid for an MLS team.

As members of the Timbers Army, we would love to see Portland get a 2nd pro sports team. We’re not big enough to support NFL. Baseball is years away. Hockey can’t draw flies. And Portland just happens to be a soccer town. I’d call it destiny. Timbers owner Merritt Paulson announced today that he is submitting a bid for one of two MLS expansion teams to begin in 2011. Hopefully the community will come together and show MLS that Portland is exactly what they need.

3. Oregon Brewers Festival recap

It was PACKED!! I only made it to the South Tent this year. Missed out on a lot of good beer. I volunteered as a pourer on Saturday, and determined that this was no place to be while sober. Add about 10K drunken frat boys (with no interest in the beer, only its effects) to the mix and I was miserable.

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So the following all happened within five to seven minutes during my lunch today.

Free root beer floats at Pioneer Square courtesy of Thomas Kemper and Tillamook, both local companies. Gotta come out and support your local companies, and by support, I mean take their free stuff.

Saw this guy and his shirt across from Pioneer. “Jews For Jesus” always makes me giggle when I hear it. I could care less about who thinks or says who killed who or whatever. I HATED “The Passion of the Christ” with an even bigger passion. But I’m a fan of ironic conflict. So this shirt inspired me to create a few more conflicted interest groups:

-Manson Followers for Pigs
-Midgets for Light Bulbs
-Alcoholics for Water
-Vegans for Bacon
-Blacks for Republicans
-Republicans for Blacks
(OK…gotta stop before I get too political.)

Finally, I saw this card sitting on a tiny window separation shelf at Rite Aid. Got a few odd looks as I snapped a pic of it. I haven’t even visited the web site yet. It might be like freevirus.com for all I know. I was afraid to pick up the card because it was at the Rite-Aid on 6th where lots of homeless people hang out, and I was afraid the card might be toxic to the touch, killing me and simultaneously ejecting my pocket change.

(Apologies to all crusty punks reading this blog. Oh wait, the Amish have better odds of reading it. Apology withdrawn.)

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Today I took the spare five minutes I had this afternoon at work to run to Starbucks across the street in the Big Pink when I notice an unusually large number of teenagers milling about. Not a big deal, I say to myself. It’s summer, and there’s no school to keep kids away from me. Whatever.

Once I go inside, I see a few of them lurking. OK, I’ll just stand in line behind them, like every good American would. Then I notice one of them frozen and staring into the distance. I ask if they’re in line, and none of them even react. I look around and see four statues in line doing the same. The cashier yells out “next” and nobody in front of me moves. Suddenly I simultaneously realize and say out loud:

“OH! It’s a Flash Mob trying desperately to make a point about something!”

As I move forward I notice one of the kids winces while trying to confront me in his mind. Sucks to be him as I cut ahead in line. The cashier asks me what a Flash Mob is and I quickly explain that it’s a bunch of people trying to make some kind of point about something by standing frozen for a few minutes. Without diving into how lame they are, I order a Venti Passion Fruit Iced Tea w/ sweetener and move to the “gimme-drink” platform and notice there’s another frozen dumb-dumb blocking it as she “waits” for her drink.

I let out a quick sigh of displeasure as my drink appears and I can’t easily get to it. Suddenly as I get my drink, the Flash Mob apparently achieves their goal of annoying me and proceeds to inform everyone in the Starbucks that their purpose was to raise awareness about poverty.

WOW!

As they hand me a flyer, I refused it and explained to them (and yes, this really did happen):

“Look, I’m actually quite aware of poverty already. I have a job which keeps me out of it. If I wasn’t aware of it, I would have ordered a much more expensive drink, but I opted for the iced tea instead.”

As I left the poor Starbucks employees behind (who have their own poverty to worry about), I decided to fully endorse year-round schools in the Portland area. It’s obvious kids are bored and need something to do.

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